Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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