this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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