Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
