im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
