My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
