I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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