I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
