I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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