I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone signed my nipple.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
