There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
