North Korea, Best Korea!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
