That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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