I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
