She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My life is pants optional.
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