i love accidental penises.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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