i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We talked him into tasing himself.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
