She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
