he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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