I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
