chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
