I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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