No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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