awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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