I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
