every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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