It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
