what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
