Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Barsexuality is the new black.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
