if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
