He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize