If i come over, it means nothing
My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
