A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize