I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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