he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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