Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
