You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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