Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
