So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
