An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found a bag of teeth...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
