ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
