so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
