You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize