I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
