You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
