He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
