Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
