I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize