Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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