If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
