i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
