its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
