Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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