just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
