I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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