Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
