Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
