the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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