Pappa wants mamma naked
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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