Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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