and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
