I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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