I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
