I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
