I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
