Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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