she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
