Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm at about main and main street
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
