You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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