Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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