I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we're making bets on your personal life
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
