smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
