Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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