I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
