We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
