found the other keg... it's in the tree
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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