Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize