the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
