Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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