His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize