New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
