There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
