well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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