I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
