My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
