I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
